The Windy City

The Windy City isn't so windy today. It's just a little breezy. I'm sitting on my deck in my new apartment drinking coffee and writing in my various journals.

Last night, sleeping alone in my new little house with its high ceilings and tall windows, I woke up almost every hour, opening my eyes to take in the open door frame, the quiet rooms beyond, the dresser in the corner. Around 3AM I lay curled against my pillows staring out the bedroom window and realized that I could see the very top blinking tips of the spires on the John Hancock building downtown.

I've been in Chicago for five days now and so far it's been mainly spent unpacking and organizing my new home. On Monday there was a lazy afternoon stroll by that beautiful lake and on Saturday night friends from Los Angeles were in town. We went to the most amazing restaurant, Tango Sur, and then later a group of us ended up sprawled across the big leather bar chairs at the W downtown. It all felt wonderfully normal and relaxed.

I've been trying to be good at keeping my insistent worries at bay, tamping down the threatening stress levels which mainly stem from money and job issues but yesterday, after a day spent job hunting and wiring money into overdrawn bank accounts, I came home and collapsed in a sobbing heap on my bed. I curled up against the pillows and just wept.

And it was a funny sort of crying I realized after a while. Or perhaps the most appropriate kind of crying. Because as I lay there, tears staining my pillow, I realized that I wasn't crying because I was sad or particularly scared or worried. Because I'm not. I'm not sad that I moved here. I don't really miss Los Angeles or my old home. I miss my friends but I know we'll see each other soon and I can always call them. And I'm not even that stressed about the other things. Although money and a job loom transparent right now, I know their edges will sharpen soon enough.

I was simply crying for the enormity of it all. Eventually I picked myself up and drew a warm bath where I soaked for a long time letting all the tension of the past few weeks dissolve and dissipate.

And now here I am, a Wednesday morning, on my deck with my pets and plants and cup of coffee. I have a full day ahead of me with job searching and working on my book and other submissions. I have emails to return and things to unpack, laundry to finish.

Oh, something funny about my new apartment. Below me live a bunch of college guys and they're all very young and sweet and funny and they happen to have the only laundry in the building and it's free but you have to actually go into their aparment and down into their basement to use it. And they don't mind at all. When I hesitated to just walk through their back door (which they never lock) and into their kitchen with my laundry basket they assured me that I would get used to it. And over the course of the evening I kind of did. I tip-toed through their living room several times, always one or two of them sprawled across the couches, playing video games, drinking beer, or passed out snoring softly.

I'm really kind of delighted by this aspect of my new life. There's something so funny and sweet about it all. I'm going to make a big batch of banana chocolate-chip muffins today and I think I'll leave some on their counter the next time I go through with the laundry.

Oh, and I really need to figure out what to do about LIFE IN LA. Any ideas?

Comments

[Bryce]

Claire. I'm loving your words. That's not new, but I am loving that I've been able to see parts of this enormous transistion you've had this past year. Just the way you are describing your tears, it's all so different, hints of the same, but so different. Regards Life in LA... perhaps you register Life in Chicago, Life in NYC, etc and get some kind of community of writers going all with the DBA Life in... I may or may not know someone who'd be willing to work on said project :)

[Greg]

The pun possibilities are endless for a new blog name, but please resist.

But, for fun:

Medium Claire
Splitting Claires
Claireway to Heaven
Claire Claw
Underclaire
Partridge in a Claire Tree
Dragon's Claire
Double Claire
County Claire
Tony Claire
Claire Tire
Why, I de-Claire
Intensive Claire
Partial Claire of the Anterior Cruciate Ligament

[Claire Bidwell Smith]

Bryce, you might be onto something. Let's chat about this more soon!

Greg, I'm absolutely torn between Claire Claw & Partridge in a Claire Tree.

And you forgot everyone's favorite: Claire Bear.

And the lesser known, Claire in the Air with Stars in her Hair.

[Tricia]

i've considered your conundrum. i'd just stick with life in la. people would be all"wha-??" and you'd larf and larf...

[RD]

i'm a webmaster! and i've been meaning to "talk" to you about this! just copy EVERYTHING (all archives, etc.) over to your new space. maybe rename it all to "life in la...and beyond" or "claire shares" or something. have the index page of http://lifeinla.typepad.com simply be the redirect code...that i'm going to have to e-mail you because it doesn't work here.

then make me a big batch of banana chocolate-chip muffins. ;-)

hugs! you.are.doing.WONDERFULLY!

[Shaw]

I already said "Living My Life"

But how about Clary-fing the air?

Or Claire-is-works 2.0

Or even Claire in the air...

Or Claire-ity?

[Phil]

I think I'd keep "Life In LA". It's a brand that I'd find hard to mothball, and I think a sense of continuity is important. Yeah, I'd keep it, and add a glib little sidebar explaining how we got from there to here.

[Leesha]

Life after LA? Then you're prety much covered where ever the road takes you.. unless you go BACK to LA, in which case you'd have to have Life in LA 2.0.
I hope everything works out just as you want it to, and there aren't too many tearful moments.

[Nathan]

Life Without LA

[Denise]

Hi Claire,

My name is Denise and I am 34 years old. I live in NJ. I just read your most recent entry after finding your blog in an article about the top 20 blogs on the web. I wasn't expecting to be so deeply moved by your writing when I visited your site. I lost my 33 year old brother in an accident in 2003. Wandering aimlessly in stores was a pastime of mine in the weeks following his death. I recently read a wonderful book "The Power of Now" by Eckard Tolle. If you have not read it yet, I think it you would bring you great peace. When I read about you, I saw someone so full of life and while you have your moments of pain and struggle, I know you will ultimately be fine. We all will. Now if I can just believe that for myself..LOL...and that is irony of it all isn't it? One day at a time, just one day at a time :) As far as the name, I think it will come to you , there will be a moment where you just have a knowing. For now, here are some popular nicknames for Chicago from Wikipedia that may help you brainstorm:

Chi-town(I have always loved Chi-town!)

"Illville"; because it is the largest metropolis in Illinois

"The 773" — is Chicago's second area code, and mainly used in areas outside of the "Loop."

"City of the Big Shoulders" — From "Chicago," a poem by Carl Sandburg.

Looking forward to reading your journey from the beginning. Thank you for sharing your pain, did you ever expect it to reveal such amazing talent!?

Best Wishes,

Denise

[ed]

Just found your blog, found it pretty cool . I like the "life after L.A." by Leesha.
Still wish you were in L.A. , I like hearing about L.A. life. Good Luck in all your choices,you seem to be doing well for yourself. Take Care