The Year of the Ham-Turkey

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and The Laughing Cow.

The first Thanksgiving dinner I attempted to cook after my mother died was quite the disaster, as was the second and the third and even the FOURTH. But the fourth was surely the worst. Each of these dinners followed a similar pattern: undercooked potatoes, overcooked turkey, mushy greens and runny pumpkin pie. But it was the fourth dinner where everything really came together and emerged in the most spectacular mess of them all.

On this particular Thanksgiving I decided to aim for more of a group effort. This way, if it all went south at least I wouldn't be held solely responsible. A motley crew of us gathered at my father's condo in South California. My friend Liz was there, a self-professed terrible cook, and my friend Holly, who has always showed a bit more enthusiasm than talent in the kitchen, and her sister Laura who was working as an inexperienced cook in Colorado. My elderly cousin Q, Holly's husband Kevin and possibly a random neighbor were also all in attendance.

I instructed everyone to simply make their favorite dish. Liz arrived with a big dish of sweet potatoes, replete with tiny marshmallows cascading across the top into a sea of sweet foam. Kevin mashed some potatoes in one corner while Laura took over another corner of the kitchen, attempting to blend up a mysterious soup using both the cuisinart AND the blender. My father and Q and the random neighbor all set up shop in a corner, shouting out words of encouragement to the rest of us.

As for me and Holly? Well, after we took care of a batch of soggy green beans, a casserole of macaroni and cheese, some creamed corn swimming in two sticks of butter and a pan of biscuits, we finally turned our attention to the ham and the turkey.

Is it clear yet that the one thing we were all lacking is a sense of timing?

The major dilemma of the evening struck right away. We had bought a small ham and a small turkey breast, but at the last minute when we finally realized that these guys needed to go in the oven, there was hardly any room because of everything else we had going on.

Finally it struck us: There was only one solution.

Put the turkey and the ham in the same baking dish.

Yup.

So we did. We crammed the ham and the turkey right in with each other and slammed the oven door.

Perfection, we thought. Problem solved.

Cut to the feast.

We've all found our places at the table. Drinks have been poured, mashed potatoes passed, mystery soup doled out, burnt rolls and buttery corn all heaped on our plates. My father did the honors of slicing the turkey and the ham, now on separate dishes. Toasts were made, gratitude recognized, and food dug into.

I'm not sure how long it was, maybe only five minutes or so, but suddenly there was a collective look about the table, everyone puzzling over their food. Then the rumbling started.

Which one is the turkey again, someone asked.

Is the ham supposed to taste like this, someone else asked.

Is the turkey supposed to taste like this, another person asked.

Both questions were moot, because the ham tasted exactly like the turkey. Or the turkey tasted just like the ham. Either way, the taste of the two was identical.

We did blind taste tests, random taste samplings and toasted repeatedly to the turkey-ham. After all, what's a cooking disaster without a good laugh afterward?

Not a Thanksgiving goes by now, that Holly and I don't chat by phone, one of us never failing to bring up the tale of the ham-turkey/turkey-ham. And I'm happy to report that ever since that dinner, each Thanksgiving meal that I've cooked has grown increasingly more successful.

We all have to learn somewhere, right? And you can bet that I'll never cook a ham and a turkey in the same dish again.

What about you, Internet? Do you have a funny cooking story for me?

Share a funny story, video clip, picture etc in the comment section and you will be entered to win $150. You should also visit BlogHer.com special offers page for 11 other chances to win $150 each month & the chance to win $100 weekly from the Daily Laugh Hub!. If you share something really funny, we may even use it in The Daily Laugh!

Here are some rules:

• No duplicate comments. (In other words: NO CHEATING)
• You may receive an additional entry by linking on Twitter and leaving a link in the comments.
• You may receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in the comments.
• Please keep your comments G-rated as any profanity or offensive content will automatically disqualify you from sweepstakes entry.
  
• This giveaway is open to US Residents, aged 18 and older.
• Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
• You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
• You can read the official rules here.
• Contest ends 9/15/2010

So let's do this! Let's win some free money! Tell me a funny story!

Comments

[jennifer horn]

I have a holiday story as well. I forgot to take the bag out of the turkey when I cooked it. Imagine everyone's surprise when we cut into the turkey. Needless to say they no longer let me cook big dinners like this.

[Laura]

I was walking past my sister as she was making muffins one day. She had just added eggs and was going for another ingredient when I looked into the mixing bowl and said, "did you mean to put the WHOLE egg in there?" She had dumped in the shell!!

[Shopping Chick]

well this is my sister's story, but i have permission to use it. When she was learning to bake, she couldnt tell the difference betwen salt and sugar, so she added 1.5 cups of salt instead of 1.5 cups of sugar to a cookie recipe, and needless to say they were NOT edible!

[Melinda]

My husband works in education and his kids were coloring pictures of themselves, and this one little boy walked up with a picture that was only half done, so my husband asked the kid, why didn't you color the boy in the picture in? He's blank, and the boy replied "I can't find the caucasian marker" We thought it was cute :)

Mjf926 at mail dot com

[Bluegirl]

Email: bluegirl1423@gmail.com

Comment: My story consists of a cat that likes water and a toilet. Our cats usually jump up onthe toilet lid to get to the sink for some water, but I dont think they realized that we have to put the lid down before they can jump up, and one day our little boy kitten jumped up, not thinking,and in he went . . . so we had to wash him off, as we hadn't flushed yet :-/

[sean]

Here is a "funny" story, but more like frustrating:
Our brand new Amana dishwasher broke 10 months after we got it, so we had one ocmpany out, then another company out to fix it, only to find out the part we needed was backordered for 2 months, so they decided to replace it, so we waited 3 weeks for that to come in, and when they came to deliver it, we found out it wouldn't fit . . . so now it's been 3 months and we are still without a dishwasher . . . funny, isnt it? :-P

seanm1999 at hotmail dot com

[shoppingchic]

tweeted!
http://twitter.com/shoppingchic2/status/21677796453

[Sheila]

One Thanksgiving I had my turkey in the oven. Checked on it; and it wasn't cooking. Oven element had gone out. The neighbors were going out of town for the holiday; and let us put our turkey in their oven for the day. Needless to say, there was much running back and forth between the houses that day. Of all times for the oven to go out! Typical Murphy's Law.

[Christina Hidek]

I had recently discovered the once a month cooking method and decided to make a triple batch of cornbread muffins so I could freeze them. Since I had two little "helpers" I must have been distracted because I accidentally used baking soda instead of baking powder. Of course I didn't discover the swap until I had taken a huge bite of the bread fresh from the oven. Yecch! All for no. Not even my dogs would eat the nasty cornbread.

[LuliMama]

When my son was 2 and still learning the days of the week, he was convinced I had it all wrong and that there was such a thing as "Hamburger Day" and "Ketchup Day". When I asked him why he thought so, he said: "well, today is FRY day, isn't it?"

[Bebemiqui]

I made cornbread once when I was in 6th grade for dinner. It looked great and I was so proud of its golden goodness. But, as soon as we took a bite, we all made a horrible face. It tasted so bitter! I'd used baking soda, instead of baking powder and the beautiful creation tasted nasty!
bebemiqui82(at)yahoo(dot)com

[Amanda A]

I feel like most of my cooking is some sort of disaster, but my worst was when I was cooking for my sister in law and her boyfriend. I made a yummy chicken and bacon dish that you are supposed to add cider vinegar to early on in the cooking so that it can blend flavors and reduce. Well, I realized at the end that I forgot to add the cider vinegar, so I just threw it in the pan at the last minute and then put it on the table. Yuck!! It was pretty much like eating chicken soaked in vinegar and was completely inedible.

[Katie]

My sister made our wedding cake and it was... interesting. Beautiful but a bit odd. A year later we took the top out of the freezer for our anniversary and they had wrapped the flowers in with it! The "odd" taste now tasted just like a cow barn!

[Elizabeth Turner]

Was getting married.
Trying a new birth control pill.
Burned an entire pot of chicken and dumplings I was cooking for my roommates.
Broke down. Major meltdown.
Checked into a B&B for the night.
Literally.
Went back home the next day.
Called the Dr.
Asked for different birth control.

[Roxy]

my dad was cooking with oil... terrible idea for my dad to cook. I was watching tv and all of a sudden I heard a "whoosh" and felt there was extra light in the room. I saw a fire on the stove and actually waited a couple of seconds to see if my dad would notice. When I heard him turn the page of his newspaper, I realized I needed to speak up. He jumped up and threw the pot in the sink... hello bellows of smoke. I sat outside for most of the night.

[Amber]

My cousin was visiting us from Europe and offered to cook spaghetti - we were thrilled! (I most of all, as this meant a night off of cooking for me.) I decided to use the free time to get a little shopping done. We use sea salt on our food, which we purchase in bulk, and it is kept in a non-descript plastic container. On my way out I shouted to him that all our condiments were in the cupboard above the stove.

The food looked great. There was something terribly wrong, however, with the spaghetti sauce. We were all trying to be polite and eat it anyway, but finally my daughter blurted out, "What is wrong with this food?" and we all had to admit that there was something terribly wrong. After perusing the condiments he used to flavor his spaghetti, we came to the realization that he put powdered Vitamin C ( - also in a non-descript plastic bottle) in the sauce instead of salt! So we ended up with take-out pizza that night.

Note to self - must label the non-descript plastic bottles.

[Carolyn G]

I was making pasta once and I accidentally spilled some of the water on our OLD flat top stove. It leaked down into where the heating elements are and it blew up. Now it sizzled and popped and then there was tons of smoke. We had the most sensitive fire alarm ever and it went off. The alarm company called and I said it was fine because it was. But they sen thte fire deptartment and I was in my jammies with my hair up. 2 fire trucks showed up with about 10 firemen. OMG it was so embarrasing.

[Carolyn G]

blogged here: http://theartofrandomwillynillyness.blogspot.com/2010/08/blogher-contests.html

[Staci]

Let's just say this: Banana muffins should have banana in them. Enough said.

[Shannon F.]

My worst cooking disaster was after a long day (they're all long aren't they?), a very tiring day. I made chicken noodle soup with left overs from the night before, and decided that it needed some pepper before serving. I unwrapped the packaging on the new pepper container (with built in grinder) and while twisting the grinder, actually pulled it of, dumping all of the peppercorns into the pot of soup.

I told everyone they were responsible for picking theirs out of their respective bowls!

[shel]

I have a tendency to burn anything I'm making and constantly set off the smoke detector when I'm cooking. My husband, children and I went to a restaurant for dinner and as we sat there, someone's pager went off across the restaurant and it sounded just like our smoke detector. My son turned to my husband and said "That sound means dinner's ready at home!"

Oh and last week I decided that I was going to revise a recipe I found online for banana bread. I cooked it and then let it cool on a cooling rack but apparently not long enough because I flipped it over and it broke apart except for the part burned to the bottom of the pan. Not only that but adding buttermilk powder to the mix did NOT make it taste very good. It was a total wash and went straight into the garbage. I had to soak the pan for hours to get the burnt part of the bread out of the pan.

[shel]

Tweeted:
http://twitter.com/auntiethesis/status/21885302317

[Jennifer T]

When I was in 7th grade my Mother and I were making a french roll for my french class, we were having a holiday party. It was the first time I had ever saw baking chocolate. I was told not to eat it as it would not taste good at all. What child listens to their parent? Not me! I took a huge bite of that chocolate. It was awful, the most horrible thing I had ever tasted. After drinking a couple glasses of milk and brushing my teeth twice I finally got the taste out of my mouth and the bits of chocolate out of me teeth. I learned to never do that again and to always listen to my Mom. Thanks so much for a chance.
tibbsx5 at yahoo dot com

[Tammigirl]

There's no way I can even compete in the same league with your ham-turkey/turkey-ham episode. No chance at all.

I have poured iced tea on my corn pops when there was no milk. This terrified my mother. I think I was 4. She threw it out. It was pretty darn good, I thought.

[Georgia]

Our normally sweet Mastif, Baby, has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.

While walking Baby one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of her, I tried to ease the situation and said, "As you can see, she just loves UPS men."

"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

gmissycat@yahoo.com